It's a great privilege and responsibility to be a parent.  Last week I saw two T-shirts that said much.  On one: "Any woman can be a Mother. It takes someone special to be a MOMMY."  Another said, "If Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."  Bad English, but good sense.  Being a responsible father or mother these days isn't for the faint-hearted.  There can be great thrills and joys in being a parent, but parenthood can also bring heartache, even tragedy.  Even the best parent realizes parenthood is a challenge, a test of one's character.

          Two little boys were fighting in the car on a trip.  After a time their patient Dad finally lost it and stopped the car.  He took the boys out of the car and spanked them both, and then said, "I don't want to hear a word out of you for an hour - not one word!"  One started to talk and Dad said, "Not one word!"  Ater an hour one of them said, "Can I talk now, Daddy?  Back there when you stopped the car my shoe fell out!"  Another father once related to me how he taught his small son to tell the truth.  He told him, "Son, always remember who else might be listening to us," and the boy knew he meant Jesus.  After Easter the little boy was telling an obvious tall tale and Dad said again, "Remember who else is listening to us," but his son cut him off.  "You don't have to worry about that guy who's always listening to us, Dad.  He died last Friday!"  Yes, parenthood can be challenging.

          King David knew this, and he had his troubles.  He had several children by several wives, and he had a favorite son, Absalom.  He let him get by with too much, but when arrogant Absalom killed his half-brother for humiliating his sister, David's problems got big.  He knew he should punish the young man, but his love blinded him.  It's bad enough to play favorites, but to let a son get by with murder is a huge mistake.  Absalom then viewed his father's inaction as weakness.

          And it was.  Absalom was a vain young man who loved power and wanted to be king, so he raised an army to fight his father for the throne.  David was willing to let his beloved son become King rather than fight him.  Like some of us, he already felt guilty for not being home more.  Parents all over know that feeling.  We're sure we're wrecking our children's lives by being gone.  Sometimes we're the last to see what's wrong.  We love them and only want what's best.  When things go wrong, we try to look past it.  When the kid rebels, we feel responsible.  That's a lot of parents today, and that was the same for David back then.

          But Absalom went too far.  In a final show of contempt, he publicly violated one of his father's wives.  That was the last straw.  David could no longer ignore the sins of his son, nor could he turn a blind eye to the threat this posed to his kingdom.  Now war was necessary, and David's armies prepared for battle.

          And yet, even though he knew his son was a dangerous man, David still did not want him harmed - his father's love wouldn't allow it.  So when David's army routed Absalom's, David wanted his son's life spared.  Absalom ran away, and you may remember the story of how his hair became entangled in a tree, and how David's General Joab finally killed him.  David's reaction is our text:  "O Absalom, my son!  If only I had died instead of you.  O Absalom, my son, my son!"

          David's heart-rending words have been spoken by many parents whose children have taken a wrong turn.  Though he loved his son, his failure was that he couldn't say "No" to him, and he didn't let him accept the consequences for his misdeeds.  That important lesson is often overlooked by well-meaning parents.  We must let our children take responsibility for what they say and do.

          The story of David and Absalom could be our own story.  The son rebels against his parent.  The father loves the son, but over protects him.  Everyone talks past each other and neither seems willing to listen to the other.  Worst of all, no one seeks God in prayer.  Others must intervene to straighten out the mess, but still it ends in a tragic death of a young man.

          We don't always know how to be good parents.  Kids don't come with instruction manuals!  Some children are are troubled and some famililes have pressures that stretch them apart.  Parents often feel punished for their mistakes.  They forget that children must take responsibility for what they do.

          God wants to help parents and children.  He never leaves us alone with our frustrations.  Sometimes He changes the children - they just grow up miraculously!  Sometimes all we have to do is get them through childhood, and the rest is easier.  But often God changes parents, too.  He can and will help us if we ask.

          I wonder what it is about God that makes Him loves us!  It is not always what happens to us that determines our success or failure, but how we react to what happens.  God can use even bad things to bring about something good.  David learned a hard lesson.  He learned he was a better soldier than a parent.  He failed at some points of parenting, but he was not a total failure.  And neither are we.

          God wants to help us in many ways.  Question is, will we let Him?  He is our heavenly parent, the only truly perfect parent.  He forgives us and helps us forgive ourselves and each other.  He sent His only Son to die for all our sins, our misdeeds and all those bad choices.  As the scripture says, "The blood of Jesus Christ His Son purifes us from all sin." (1 John 1:7)   The holy mountain called Calvary is where we can bring our problems, our failures and our misery.  There He removes our sins and purifies us from all unrighteousness.

          Each of us, mothers and fathers, brothers and sisters - each of us must rely on the grace of God.  God's grace is unconditional love, but not blind.  God's love often leads to hard lessons.  There is nothing as sad as an opportunity to learn that's missed.  Parents, we must not take away the lessons of life our children need to learn.  And kids, one day you will understand why Mom or Dad let you fall down, why they didn't fix every problem they could have.  One day you will realize that they loved you enough to let you learn on your own, even the hard way, for that's often the only way we really learn.

          Things happen in life.  It doesn't matter whether you are a Christian, loving, caring parent or not, whether you're active in the church or not - bad things happen!  We live in a fallen world where there is no perfection, and no one is assured of being a good parent or having perfect kids.

          A wife had a poor driving record.  One day while shopping, she dented their new car quite badly.  She knew her husband would be angry and tried to cover it up.  But when she returned and drove into the garage, he saw the damage and just exploded.  He stomped and fumed like most husbands will do, mumbling about their ruined new car and finally asked if she was injured.  Then he said, "How could somebody be so beautiful and still be so stupid?"  As he was leaving to take the car to get the damage estimated, she stopped him.  "I want to answer your question," she said.  "I am beautiful so you could love me.  And I'm so stupid so I could love you."

          God accepts us as we are.  He loves us, no matter what, and that's how we can and should love each other.  We are precious to God, precious enough for Him to sacrifice His only Son for us.  The Son Jesus died on the cross for the sins of all, including the sins of Mom and Dad, of son and daughter, of brother and sister, neighbor and friend, and even Pastor and people.

          You may think yourself a failure as a parent, even as a child.  But they thought Jesus was a failure, too.  And many think His church is a failure, and being Christian is a failed idea.  But He was not a failure.  And when we trust in Him, neither are we.  In Christ, we have a new start, a new hope, a forgiveness to share.  May you and I accept His love and then love others back.  May we accept correction when it's needed.  I'll wager that husband learned his lesson, and he won't be so angry again at his wife.  So may we find great joy in the wonderful privilege of being parents and children, husbands and wives, in His Kingdom.  Amen!

Copyright © 2004 by Pastor Bob Tasler.  All rights reserved.