About a year ago in a sermon I said that I had not served in the Armed Forces but always wished I had.  One man said I was lucky to have avoided it, but another said I'd have made a good Marine.  However, not serving in the military doesn't mean avoiding its dangers.  If ever there was a minefield in the church and society, today's topic is.  Everywhere you step among these verses of this text, you risk getting a foot blown off, or having someone take a shot at you.

          But divorce and remarriage is a minefield that must be crossed.  The church today does not deal with this topic well.  Either it condemns it, or condones it, or is silent about it.  The church is good at writing doctrinal statements but rarely addresses this topic publicly.  My thoughts today will undoubtedly offend someone as being too harsh and direct, or too soft and ambiguous.  But let's all listen to God and His Word on this.  May God give us all understanding hearts - and perhaps even His armor - as we step forward into the minefield of divorce and remarriage.

          Let's be clear on what we all agree.  Marriage is good and the breakup of marriage is not.  No man and woman, not even those with a pre-nuptial agreement, come to the altar believing their marriage will be temporary.  All expect it to succeed, but not all are prepared for it.

          Marriage is the fundamental building block of culture, the basic unit on which the walls of a society are built.  Some nations like India so fear marital breakup that they still pre-arrange marriages and shore up their walls by shunning all who get divorced.  Other nations like Russia and the United States have made divorce so easy it's a wonder our walls don't crumble with each passing breeze.

          The wedding is the means by which couple makes public their intent to live as husband and wife.  All societies, even the most primitive, have some kind of marriage ceremony, and the public is usually invited to celebrate it with them, and thus give it strength by the encouragement of many.

          Marriage has been and always will remain the union between a man and a woman.  No society in history has ever been strengthened by condoning homosexual relationships.  Such relationships have existed in cultures but always on the fringes, never on equal status with marriage.  Those who seek equal status are badly mistaken.

          The union of man and woman is for companionship, support, love, joy and procreation.  Marriage is for the good of everyone.  Some within our own country have recently tried to downplay the importance of marriage, so much so that more and more couples are choosing to live together before marriage in the hopes this will insure a more compatible union.  The facts don't support this, either, since the divorce rate increases among those who live together first.  Perhaps their unwillingness to get married before living together extends to an unwillingness to stay married.  Whatever the case, God directs us in His Word to get married first, then live together.

          In today's Gospel, our Lord says, "'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.'  So they are no longer two, but one.  Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."

          Leaving father and mother means leaving behind a life of being single.  More and more men and women today are choosing to live single, partly because they fear divorce, or they've not found "Mr. or Miss Right", but also because it has become so easy to live single.

          Marriage used to be necessary for survival.  The writer of Ecclesiastes says this in a comical way, "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:  If one falls down, his friend can help him up.  But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!  Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.  But how can one keep warm alone?  Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.  A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)  Marriage keeps you warm and safe.  It's practical!

          Marriage itself is good, but not all marriages are.  Some are huge mistakes from the beginning.  Before my first wife died, I was of the opinion there was no such thing as a bad marriage, just bad commitment.  But then I learned the hard way.  Shortly after she died I entered into a brief marriage that was doomed from the start.  In only a few months she left and a judge mercifully granted an annulment.  But the negative effects of even this brief encounter still remain.

          In our text, the Pharisees came with a hostile question.  They quoted Deuteronomy 24:1 which gave a husband the right to divorce his wife for almost any reason.  Jesus replied that Moses gave them this rule to accommodate to their sinful condition, not as a fundamental right.  God was not giving them a loophole but a way to keep the peace.  God wants people to stay married, but not to kill each other.  His conclusion meant what is said, "What God has joined together, let man not separate."

          Jesus then said, "Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her.  If she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery." (Mark 10:11-12)  What does Jesus mean that if a man or woman divorce, they commit adultery if they re-marry?  We understand that God ordained marriage and that divorce is not good.  But adultery if you re-marry?  Is that what Jesus really meant?

          This passage has greatly bothered Christians, especially those who want to re-marry.  Before I married Carol 14 years ago, it bothered me a great deal.  I studied this and related Bible passages, fervently wanting to know what they meant.  And, as always, God showed me.

          First, this passage means that divorce must never be done for capricious reasons.  In Jewish divorce, the husband instituted it and thus bore the responsibility for the reason.  If he divorced his wife because he couldn't handle the responsibility, or to get a newer, prettier model, or for any other selfish reason, he was dead wrong.  And if the wife had not done all she could to keep the marriage intact, and ran when the going got rough, she, too, was wrong.  A marriage commitment is not like others.  It needs all our attention and effort.  It's too important to be treated lightly.

          Secondly, the Bible says all things are forgivable, including divorce.  When a man or woman repent of their sins in a broken relationship, they are forgiven when they trust in the merits of Christ.  in God's eyes they're no longer a divorcee.  Yet society does not see it this way.  Repentance is always important, but here it is vital.  Even the one who's been abandoned or sinned against must repent of his or her fault.  No one is blameless because all are sinful.  Jesus is saying that getting re-married before one has done all the work of repentance is no better than adultery.

          I've conducted Divorce Recovery workshops for many years, and have had a hundred or more people tell me how good it was they came.  The hardest topic we deal with is forgiveness, forgiving the ex-, and also forgiving yourself.  I've seen people grow in their faith through divorce, but I've also seen people withdraw and wither because they cut themselves off from the vine.  Divorced people are incredibly self-conscious at first and often stop coming to church or social functions.  But that's like a hungry man refusing to eat.  It never helps to turn your back on the blessing of fellowship.

          The greater the struggle, the greater our need for the Gospel.  Most people don't know or don't care about our past.  And those who point a finger always forget they're pointing several right back at themselves.  For those who've never been divorced, be careful in your judgments.  We're all sinners in need of God's grace.  Not everyone is so fortunate, so take care in finding fault.

          For those who've been through divorce, remember that your future is up to you.  God hasn't abandoned you.  Don't isolate yourself.  Do whatever it takes to get past this negative part of life.  Go to a Divorce Recovery program or join a support group.  People are not staring at you, your kids won't become delinquents, and your car probably won't disintegrate like you think.  God still provides!

          Most importantly, we must all remember His love and forgiveness.  God doesn't reserve His love for the few, but offers it to us all.  Jesus loves the faithful and the harlot, the divorced and the married, the proud and the humble.  He gave His life for a broken world that seems to be getting more cracked by the day.

          Our Lord would rather have the broken come to Him in faith than the righteous in their pride.  Jesus said, "There will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent." (Luke 15:7)

          Yes, divorce and re-marriage is a minefield, but so is the rest of life.  People can stumble over anything.  To those unmarried, I want to encourage you:  don't be fearful or let potential problems keep you from the best experience you can have.  Marriage is work, but it's even more joy.  And if you've wanted to marry but have not, give your cares to God.  He still has a good and full life for you.  Martha, Paul and even Jesus were single.  But remember - you won't find Mr. or Miss Right between the TV and the frig!  May God grant us all His grace to rejoice in the life He has given us.  Amen!

Copyright © 2000 by Pastor Bob Tasler.  All rights reserved.