Two weeks ago our theme was "Getting Along With God," and dealt with relationships.  Last week it was "Getting Along With Ourselves," and dealt with anger.  That sermon provoked some interesting comments!  Please know that I follow the Bible lessons appointed for each Sunday, and often a sermon topic jumps right off the page.  The one sermon criterion I have is whether or not I can apply it to myself.  If I can't preach it to myself, I won't preach it to you, because the best sermon is not one that fits a current situation, but one that speaks an eternal truth.  You see, the best sermon is based on PREVENTION, not CORRECTION.

          St. Paul has some preventative words for us today:  "Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ."  God is telling us to grow up in our faith, to mature in our Christian walk, to become more like His son Jesus Christ.  Christian maturity requires willingness to CHANGE for the sake of Christ.

          Being told to grow up isn't pleasant.  Several times in my youth my brother Fritz told me to grow up, and it was always a stinging reminder I was acting like a child.  Paul, in effect, is telling us the same.  "Grow Up, Christian," he says.  "Put aside childish ways.  Stop fighting and blaming others and playing games.  Stop justifying sinful ways and start taking responsibility for your faith."

          Those are honest words we need to hear.  Dishonesty, whether bending the truth or outright lying is destructive.  When I was nine years old, I was caught in a lie.  I'll never forget how my teacher gently wrapped her arm around my head in a soft headlock.  With her nose about an inch from mine she wanted to know why I had lied to her.  Forty-six years later I can still feel her arm of disapproval and hear her voice of disappointment.  I almost got taken to the woodshed that day.

          I believe God has America in a headlock right now, and I hope we're paying attention.  If we keep up our lying ways, He's going to take us to the woodshed.  Recent polls show Americans have accepted lying as inevitable, as being no problem.  Three years ago polls showed that half the people in America didn't care if their president lied.

          Do we still feel the same today?  Michael Medved, a rare Hollywood conservative film critic, compares public opinion to a super tanker -- it takes a long time to turn it around, but he thinks it is starting to turn.  Hopefully it'll keep on turning so we'll reject lying and come back around to valuing the truth.  Speaking the truth in love is one of the best ways we can grow up in our relationship to Christ and to each other.

          Growing up is not easy.  Honesty in relationships isn't either.  We want others to approve of us so we skirt the truth with words that we think they want to hear.  Or else we smack people in the face with the truth, not caring what their reaction will be.  We live in a world filled with words, but honest and loving words are rare.  We surely haven't heard many in the recent political conventions.  St. Paul has some great words:  "I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received.  Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.  Make every effort to be united and live in peace." (Ephesians 4:1-2)  To grow up as Christians, we must be kind to each other, be patient with each other, and speak the truth lovingly to each other.  Growing up as Christians is needed now more than ever.

          This past June I began my 30th year as a pastor.  I've seen changes I never imagined, and some not so good.  Being a church has changed.  We can't conduct the affairs of Epiphany church today the same as we would have in 1970.  People have changed.  They're not as available as they used to be, and they no longer accept pastoral authority without question.

          Worship has changed.  It's no longer Page 15 or Page 32, but a buffet of choices.  Instead of being an exercise of faith, worship has become entertainment to make you feel good.  Sermons have changed.  They're more like sessions in therapy than messages from God.  A godly sermon must be filled with the truth, but spoken in a spirit of love.  It must contain the fearfulness of the Law and the wonderfulness of the Gospel.  A pastor who speaks the truth in love will always walk a rocky road, a road with potholes of misunderstanding and washboards of doubt.  But it's still a road that must be taken.  And today, more than ever, members of the church must be willing to speak the truth to each other in all their dealings, but always in a loving manner.

          Ever wondered why we have a Sunday sermon?  Sermons have several purposes.  One is to EDUCATE, to explain the teachings of the Bible and apply them to people's lives.  Another is to MOTIVATE, to stimulate people to live according to God's will.  But the main purpose is to PREACH CHRIST, to proclaim Him the Lord and Savior.  A sermon without Christ is a car without fuel.

          A group of couples decided to form a dance club and rented a great hall.  They decorated the hall and came dressed and ready for dance.  There was a stage for musicians and a punchbowl filled to the brim.  But something was missing.  There was no music!  How could they dance without music?  After awhile one fellow claimed to be a musician and took out a violin.  But it had no strings and sounded like a squeaky door.  Another tried to hum a tune but he was way off key.  Someone tuned to a local station but it only filled the room with static and noise.  Some couples tried dancing without music, but they stepped on each other's feet, bumped into each other, and finally sat down.  Finally a woman started to sing, and the sound of her voice was sweet.  The rhythm of her song made the dancers move to the floor in beautiful unison.  The dance had finally begun, and it was a glorious moment.  But not all got up to dance.  Some said, "What kind of a singer is this?  Musicians don't just stand up and sing!  Why did she choose that music?  And how do we know it is the right kind of music?  And how dare we have a woman singer!  But still the people danced because they finally heard music.

          We need the sweet music of the gospel to live as God's people.  We need the guidance of His Word for daily life.  Paul tells us to be honest and loving in the exercise of our faith.  We must get rid of suspicion, unrealistic expectations and personal agendas.  Then, as Paul said, "...we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth... but we will grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ."  The sweet music of the Gospel should move us all to kindness and gentleness.  Are we in the church dancing to the Lord's music or just bumping into each other?

          Being in the Church means living in relationships.  But there are ways to kill a relationship:  (1) Talk ABOUT someone, but never TO them.  That'll give you fleeting satisfaction, and a sense of power.  It feels so good to criticize others when they're not present.  To their face?  Embarrassing!  (2) CRITICIZE but never PRAISE.  That gives you a sense of control, of correction.  Teens often tell me they can't please their Dads.  No matter what they do, he always finds fault with them, so they eventually quit trying.  That's what happens when it's all criticism and no praise.  (3) Tell the TRUTH, but don't be concerned about FEELINGS.  Hey, truth is always best, no matter how people might feel or react.  If they get hurt, it's their problem, not yours.  That's a real relationship killer.

          Last Thursday Pastor Harley Johnson, lifelong friend and Lutheran pastor in Iowa, called and shared how his ministry has changed since his recent year-long illness.  His bouts with pancreatitis just about killed him.  So since getting better, instead of spending so much time preaching doctrine, he's been emphasizing loving one another.  He said, "We Lutherans are so good at teaching the Bible right, but we aren't very good at treating each other right.  Paul said , 'Let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers', (Gal. 6:10) but we haven't been doing that very well."

          He's right.  We often treat people in the secular world better than we treat our fellow Christians.  For some reason we come down hardest on those closest.  Husbands criticize wives and kids criticize parents, not because we dislike them, but maybe because we expect more.  We must all take care in how we treat others, especially our fellow believers and loved ones.

          Jesus understands this.  He was hit hardest by those closest.  He was attacked by believers and abandoned by friends.  He was the object of wagging tongues and betrayed by those closest, but He still loved them.  Temple spinmeisters spewed hateful words, but He never responded in kind.  He always valued people above rules.  He loved people no matter what, and we can do the same.  He has loved us, so now we can love each other.

          It's so much more important to be kind than critical.  It's so much more godly to be gentle than to cast blame.  All that God gives us -- forgiveness, love and eternal life -- are ours by His grace.  He died to give us life, and thus He empowers us to speak truth to each other in a spirit of love.

          I've given you three ways to kill a relationship.  Here are three ways to build each other up:  (1) Put TRUST before SUSPICION.  Our world breeds suspicion in everything.  Warning labels tell us of every possible danger, but we must never take this attitude into our relationships.  (2) Explain ACTIONS in the KINDEST way.  We're God's people working together.  We want to do God's will, so let's be good to each other.  We're all sinners, so let's cut each other some slack.  And finally something I was recently reminded of, (3) Praise in PUBLIC, criticize in PRIVATE.  Be gentle with all criticism.  We gain far more by loving suggestion than by harsh correction.

          What music are we dancing to?  It's one thing not to know good music, but it's quite another to know great music and not use it.  In relationship to Him, God calls us to faith.  In our relationships with each other, He calls us to kindness and love.  God grant that we hear and heed His call.  Amen

Copyright © 2000 by Pastor Bob Tasler.  All rights reserved.